Imperfect Conversations

    Though perhaps too obvious to mention, patterns of life change significantly from high school, through college, after college, after marriage, and beyond. Equally obvious, is the reality that the character of our relationships change along with our changing patterns of life. All of this was particularly apparent to me during Pamela and I's recent trip to Atlanta for the holidays. There are simply not enough hours in the day to see and spend time with all of the people whom I know and dearly love when I am home. "Visits" now seem more like the rule, rather than the exception, when I am home. And I often catch myself living in a frustrated nostalgia longing for "the good ole' days" (whenever those were) when visits home were laid back, and substantive conversation arose naturally out of the time spent relaxing and reflecting on life lived together with family and friends. Now-a-days I find that many of my conversations--even with loved ones--are characterized by "catching-up." Rather than reflecting on lives lived together and conversing about directions to take, too many of my conversations are "catch-ups", bullet point surveys of the doings of life, instead of patient reflection on the meanings and motivations of our actions.
    What happens as we grow older? Why do we revert to conversing with each other by way of "catching-up" rather than engaging each other as partners with which to help steer each others lives? Is it because all of the sudden we figured life out? Or is it because we find ourselves now having to make significant life decisions before we have significant time to discuss such decisions with each other? Are we perhaps scared of the answers that might come from those who know us best if we genuinely ask, "Do you think that the direction that I am taking is right? Do you think that it is faithful?" We unfortunately live in a culture where such questions are all too often labeled as markers of indecisiveness, rather than genuine truth seeking. In contrast, the absence of such questions in a persons life is all too often called confidence--rather than its perhaps more appropriate reality, pride.
    I wonder also if we are unwilling to genuinely engage each other--rather than "catch-up"--because we are so easily tricked into living our lives alone. That is to say, we are so easily tricked into thinking that everyone else has life "figured out" so "I better not ask in order to avoid looking like an idiot." I wonder, if we actually made a more concentrated effort to live life together if we then might realize that no one has all the answers, and that we all benefit from each others honest questions. Of course, this would require us to sacrifice our time--which at 25 the question of where to sacrifice time is likely as complex as it has yet been in one's short life.
    Despite the above ponderings, Pamela and I's trip to Atlanta was indeed good. There were many substantive conversations--remarkably substantive--with family and friends. Yet, it was the imperfect conversations that had me re-thinking why it is that we all too often "catch-up" rather than actually talk. I confess that I am as guilty as anyone for trading conversation with catching-up, and there is indeed some good in hearing about the goings on in a persons life. However, I wonder what it would look like if the next time we met, we made the point to bracket some time for catching-up and some time for actually talking. Of course, this would require us all--myself very much included--to do a better job of living life together so that we actually had something to talk about :).
    Here's wishing everyone a blessed 2010, and here's to more life lived together and to having more to talk about.
                                                                           God Bless,
                                                                                 CM